Tits At Your Christmas Party

by Three Ninjas

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about

Now you can conveniently download all my free songs in one place! This is a compilation of all the free songs I've posted over the past year or so, and it will continue to be updated as I post more.

credits

released February 10, 2012

Cover: Margaret Elizabeth Slegel

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license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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about

Three Ninjas New Orleans, Louisiana

Three Ninjas is a musician from New Orleans, LA.

Liberal feminist country singer.

Fucked up songs with swears and stuff. Getting dumped a lot. Alcohol. That kind of thing.

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Contact Three Ninjas

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Track Name: If You've Lost Someone
there was a time I could not believe
some fates are worse than death
that was before I saw you leave
now I wish we'd never met

if you own a gun please consider me
and show mercy to my soul
if you've lost someone I'm sure you know
nothing's worse than growing old

I wake up and cry till I sleep again
this heart just can't be fixed
if I could I'd sleep and not wake again
I'll try until it sticks

if you own a gun please consider me
and show mercy to my soul
if you've lost someone I'm sure you know
nothing's worse than growing old

I knew that you could not be true
put I persist in unbelief
the love we made just makes me blue
to die would be sweet relief

if you own a gun please consider me
and show mercy to my soul
if you've lost someone I'm sure you know
nothing's worse than growing old
Track Name: Something So Upsetting (featuring Amelia Lidstrom)
I guess there will be moments
where it's hard, like when I'm used to
having someone to talk to
but if I need someone to talk to
in a situation as easy as this one
then how did I get anywhere at all
in the first place?

and I'm sure it's hard for you
to understand how I up and left
how I walked away so fast
and I know it probably hurts you, it's probably the worst you've
ever had to know
and I am so sorry
but I really had to go

but even when I have my doubts
I know I cannot go back,
because there is no way to change
what has happened in the past and this never could have lasted
we cannot go back in time
this can't be forgotten
and so I started walking
(as fast as I could)

please understand I had no choice
there was nothing I could do
there was no hope to ignore
something so upsetting
to the normal status quo
it's not that I hate you,
I want you to know
I want you to know...

you must go on, you have no choice
go on because you have to
it's what we're forced to do
even me and you
I want you to know
I loved you
I want you to know
I want you to know
I want you to know
I want you to know
I loved you
I want you to know
I want you to know
I want you to know
I loved you
I want you to know
I want you to know
I want you to know
Track Name: Skeptical (featuring Jen McCreight)
My skeptical muscle is strong like Bertrand Russell
I like to avoid fights but still find the occasional tussle
I try to act famous but I'm just a small corpuscle
and if creationism comes up expect me to dominate the discussle
These faith-based fucks like to pretend to sound logical
but it's founded on fallacies frequently fully mogical
you can misinterpret data about polystrate logs
but everyone points and laughs reading Ken Ham's blog

My skeptical brain drives juggalos insane
Yeah, there's miracles everywhere but you're mystified by mundane
I knew a dude name Shane, I sampled the theme from Mondo Cane
and if you ask what i was doing I'll be like "What, Lorraine?"
These Christians complain with the same refrain of disdain
I'll spend the rest of my life removing that goddamn stain
Half insane from the pain, yet I could not abstain
till I lost all my stock in Immanuel's veins

cause we're not antiscience and antiwoman

My skeptical glutes are firmer than Michael Shermer
You wouldn't vaccinate your kids so instead you drank de-wormer
sometimes I'm a dick despite accommodationist murmurs
cause being friendly won't give your ideas legs like Tina Turner
If you try to insert the logic you get blocked by bony scutes
You get called 'murderer' by folks want the government in their utes
Felt guilty about jerking off ever since I was a youth
Now that I'm almost 30 it's time for a goddamn reboot

My skeptical abs are tight like Jen McCreight
and when you call the ladies bitches we'll scream "fight fight fight"
I'm compared to Penn Jilette though the resemblance is only slight
and unless a quake brings it down let's be done with delusion tonight
Track Name: Wallingford
your ears aren't pierced but I am
you bought me a subscription to SciAm
I know you can't have pets and all
but if you could this fall
I'd buy your cat a web cam
that was no vagina reference
i try to show respect and reverence
but lately when I mention cats
i will get worried that
it's taken out of context

no one's ever going home from here
you must control your fear
and hide your tears
nobody hates me
but a girl in wallingford tolerates me

I'll play my show without you
with all my songs about you
it only took a little while
you said i make you smile
and there's no call to doubt you
i read the books you gave me
on all the things you did to save me
when you're too upset to sing
you won't remember things
but have i mentioned lately


maybe she looks at everyone that way
but only she looks at me
Track Name: Nancy Botwin
i will retreat into my rockstar persona
cause when i get scared of life it's all i'm made of
i guess i've always been the fat fuck and loner
so i'm about to give up and try my luck at gay love
but i'm way funnier than your boyfriend and i'm way better in bed
and i don't wear dumbass earrings and i'd rather give than receive head
reflect on the fact that most cities have no soul
and my ex thinks i'm pathetic but doesn't think i'm an asshole
lately i don't see the point and i kinda wish i was dead
but i don't have it in me, that's what she said.
doom and gloom yeah that's kinda my bread and butter
cause i burned up all the strength you say i mustered
teasing all the hair you sa y i must have grown forward
every pet's a nuclear threat to every country i've bordered
please and all you wish you know i must have grown somewhat
i'm the unappreciated sensitive type like an underpaid cumslut

tick tock and sometimes you do stop
cause it gets so hard and it hurts not to give up
and light a cigarette and sleep in your car
till you die from carbon monoxide or it blows up

but you know it's not in you to commit suicide
but what is is a couple songs that keep you alive
but even music isn't always enough to keep you strong
when every night you get sick wishing you didn't have to sleep alone
it isn't even about sex, you just need a hand to hold
attached to someone whose existence gives the lie to what your parents told you
when you have no will to live you might as well die a hero
but if you die people will appreciate you but you won't know
and anyway most of your problems stem from misunderstood good deeds
so you might as well stay home lay in bed and watch Weeds
your best days are over anyway
all the memorable things are done
your grandkids will remember you for your internet exploits
and your ex-wife will forget the few times you bought her sex toys
your coworkers will remember you for when you blew up about nothing
and your best friend will remember that you still owe him fifteen bucks

if you wanna sleep with me
you don't have to try
just show up

she needs a man who looks just like you
and does everything you do
but just isn't you
Track Name: I'm Fine
when I say I'm fine you know I'm lying
cause in my mind I feel like dying
no help at all from things I've tried
the one thing left is suicide

where can I go and not see your face
I miss you, so your memory stays
my friends say I should run and hide
cause loving you is suicide

when I see your name my heart is sunk
what good is shame when I'm this drunk
I'm dressed but I just stay inside
cause loving you is suicide
Track Name: Bruise Colored (featuring David Van Amburg)
furthest step
colored pill
a hole to fall through
place to go to
it could have gone so
well
reason sings
bits of will
bruise colored
not forgotten
we
kiss the hidden
Track Name: Even Nerds Have Sex And Are Good At It
i get that it's not sexy when i mention star trek
and explaining biostratigraphy won't make your panties wet
it makes sense you're not turned on by necrophilia in ducks
i just wish once in a while you'd call me "dawkins" when we fuck
among the perks of sleeping with a nerd turned on by anadromy
is a clinical understanding of the workings of your anatomy
sure i know less than john dupras does about astronomy
but i'll make you cum as i recite the details of cetacean phylogeny
it may be schmoopy to bemoan the fact that i don't have powers
but lady i got the brain power to make the sex last for hours

1, 2, 3, 4
copies of pop sci strewn over the floor
gotta gotta preg up to bare down
gotta gotta preg up to bare down
i read greta christina
i may not be lean but
i know what it means to make grafenberg scream
and you better believe my sheets just got cleaned

perhaps i'm not good looking like the dudes from big bang theory
but i'll treat your girl parts better than sheldon treats loop theory
i'm a guy so smart douchebags can't stand to be near me
i'll read stephen jay gould while your boyfriend reads beverly cleary
why are you turning me down? i volunteer at the seattle aquarium
and i'm just rich enough to buy you text books from the campus book store and carry them
you know it's so cute when i overexplain radiometric dating
and you can look me up on hotornot i'm not ashamed to say i got a .01 rating
if you turn me down for a dinner date i'll sample video game music to get your attention
but you could out me as a fake cause i don't play zelda and the consoles i've owned have died sad and alone
and my game night attendance doesn't warrant a mention